BAFFLING STORY OF A LADY WHOSE BIGGEST REGRET IS MARRYING A GOOD MAN & BEARING HIM A SON

What you’re about to read is the story of a self-styled Nigerian feminist who most likely suffers from BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER. She did a good job putting her husband through hell for years in the name of EQUALITY. Her emotional instability got her caught between the options of staying in her one-year-old marriage or filing for a divorce for no concrete reason. She even regretted having a child. According to her, that has been her worst mistake.

Her husband was perpetually perplexed by her PERCEPTUAL DISTORTIONS and most likely cursed the day he married her. However, he managed to endure years of AVOIDABLE TRAUMA, literally taking care of their son alone until things got back in shape; for after tormenting him for ages, his wife condescendingly redressed her steps and went online to excitedly tell her story, saying:


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“I knew I was a career-driven woman! I knew I wasn’t all that excited about getting married. I knew children weren’t my favorite thing on earth. But building a career that I wanted seemed to take too long and I was impatient. I wasn’t going to get married. Then I met MY HUSBAND and fell in love. This was the first time in my life I was liking a man who liked me more than I liked him. I generally go for unavailable men, men who aren’t sure of me, etc.”

“If a man loves me too much, he’s not challenging and so I didn’t want him. I got married and immediately wanted a child because that’s the natural progression, isn’t it? I had my baby and almost immediately regretted it. Actually, I started regretting it from the time I got pregnant. It was as if I temporarily lost my marbles. Regardless, I made the decision. This was not an unplanned pregnancy. I wanted the child. I did everything I could to get the child.”

“I finally had him and was going to be the very best mother I could for the child who didn’t beg me to have him. As for my marriage, I love my husband like kilode. But I’d be the first to tell you he’s the one holding the marriage down. If my husband hadn’t been stubbornly refusing to let go, our marriage would have ended a long time ago. I am flighty! Do me small thing and I’m ready to leave. But the man held on, like: YOU’RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.”

“I am grateful to him for doing that. But I still know deep down that I shouldn’t have married or have a while when I did. At 30, it was like I snapped out of my temporary foolishness and said: FLORIDA, THIS IS NOT THE LIFE YOU WANTED FOR YOURSELF. THIS LIFE OF BEING KNOWN MOSTLY AS SOMEONE’S WIFE AND SOMEONE’S MOTHER. I started applying to UK universities for masters without a word to my husband. I got admitted, saved up the 10k euros tuition money.”

“I told my husband that I’m leaving for the UK for this masters whether he liked it or not! What followed was months of fights. He wanted us to be talking about having another child, not masters! I said: THUNDER FIRE YOU! I already felt shackled enough with one and he wanted to add to it? This man threatened me that it’s either we have another child or we forget having another child entirely. I was like: SEE CHRISTMAS PRESENT! WE ARE GETTING IT. WE ARE SO FORGETTING IT.”

“If I had been thinking properly, I wouldn’t have had one child, not to mention two! I went to the UK. My husband thought I’d refuse to come back but I did. However, when I started talking about Ph.D., he started nonsense again. He was like: WHAT ABOUT THE FAMILY? I was like: EHEN? WHAT ABOUT IT? WHAT ABOUT ME? I started looking into divorce proceedings. I felt I would always meet resistance from this man every time I do something for the sake of pursuing a career and what kind of life is that?”

“That wasn’t the marriage I wanted. So it was better I end it. My mom panicked. She was like: BUT THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR HUSBAND NA! HE’S PERFECT. HE’S NOTHING LIKE YOUR FATHER, JUST LIKE I PRAYED FOR. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? I was heartbroken, I’ll say. I still loved him very much. I had never stopped. But I didn’t want to keep fighting with him because this is who I am. I don’t take my identity from being a wife and mother. Those are my jara!”

“I will choose the latter any god damn day! I remember one day; I was crying on the phone with my husband. I was like: I’M SORRY I’M NOT THE KIND OF WIFE YOU WANTED; THE WIFE CONTENT WITH AN UNCHALLENGING JOB SO SHE COULD SPEND AS MUCH TIME BUILDING HER HOME. THAT’S NOT ME AND IT CANNOT BE ME. Mister man didn’t know that this was me signing out! I had made up my mind at that junction that the marriage wasn’t working and it was time to face reality.”

“I was going to file for a divorce and I wasn’t going to discuss it with him. Then in December 2013, I went to the airport to pick him up. He had come to London for my graduation (not knowing his wife at this point was all set to leave him). I went to the airport, saw him and started crying again. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t leave him. I haven’t loved anyone the way I love this man. I couldn’t live without this man. I immediately filed away the divorce idea.”

“I decided to give the marriage another go. I suppose it helped that none of my Ph.D. applications went through. So I went back to Nigeria and did my best to give the marriage all I got! My husband who used to resist me working outside Lagos because the family should be together, dropped the idea. Even though the field I worked thrived more in Abuja, he didn’t complain. If it was Antarctica I wanted to go, he would let me go. As long as we were still married, he didn’t mind.”

“As long as I’d come back to him, I could go anywhere. If I didn’t want any more children, that was okay with him! We will stop with this one. It is not like people take kids with them to the afterlife. But when the Ph.D. opportunity came, not one “YOU ARE LEAVING ME ALONE YET AGAIN” did I get from him. I came here with my son because that’s what I do. I go with my son everywhere! It’s not even a question – maybe it’s guilt. Guilt that I regretted having him.”

“Guilt that I always say I shouldn’t have married or had a child. I wish I knew while growing up that it was an option to have a child and that not everyone should marry and have children. Maybe because of that guilt, or maybe it’s just pure mother’s love, I inconvenience myself to make his life better. I changed and only wanted to do everything to give my son the childhood I believe he deserves. On occasions, I’d even put him before my career. Like right now, I’ve decided post-PhD.”

“I wasn’t going to aim to be the Facebook COO until my son is 16 – 18. I’d slow down and then resume again when he’s less dependent on me. Bottom line, if I knew better, I wouldn’t have gotten married or most definitely wouldn’t have had a child. But it has already happened and I would be damned if I don’t make the best of it. Regardless, I’m reminded that those were decisions I shouldn’t have taken!”

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There you go, guys! I’m sure you now see the more reason why you should never throw caution to the wind when choosing a life partner. This is why I favor long courtships. It gives you ample time to GET TO KNOW your potential spouse. No one ever wants to be in situations like that, and one sure way to prevent such fate is taking time to know your spouse-to-be from the INSIDE OUT before marriage. I hope you take a cue from this and help your destiny.

Jezuzboi©